To all my devoted fans in Europe, China, and the several Asian countries I often mistake for China: unfortunately this post does not pertain to you. Feel free to keep reading, but I can’t help but think you will feel a bit left out.

4th of July in Wilmington

To all my fans living in the United States (legally or otherwise, I’m not one to judge): Our nation’s birthday is right around the corner! As is the case with most humans, I receive all my birthday information through Facebook. That being said, I can’t be absolutely positive until I get an alert the day before, but I believe the big day falls on July 4th again this year. Don’t quote me on that.

To celebrate, the powers that be here in Wilmington are throwing a little surprise get together for the number 2 nation on the planet (Antarctica is run by penguins, there’s no competing with that).

You may be asking yourself, what does a birthday bash for a country turning 237 years young consist of? Rice pudding? Polka dancing? An entire parking lot of handicapped spots? If those were your exact guesses, the answer is none of the above. And you should probably work on your deductive reasoning because those were not very good guesses.

The truth is, there will be tons of great activities going on all day on everyone’s favorite Riverfront.

Starting with the event that could potentially win you the most prizes, there will be a Scavenger Hunt going on in Tubman-Garrett Park. Full disclosure, loyal readers: the term scavenger hunt is slightly misleading here. It’s more of a trivia contest. Honestly, it’s borderline homework. And while we (we being me) here at Miles with Myles love some good ol’ fashioned trivia, an up and coming website-I believe it’s called Google, possibly Goggle-provides a pretty huge advantage to anyone who’s heard of it.

Immediately following the hunt will be the highly anticipated Red, White and Blue Celebration, featuring games, rides, and real historical figures from our nation’s past. Now, while I haven’t spoken directly to Mayor Williams  himself, I have been assured these historical figures will simply be historians in costumes, and not zombified versions of said figures. This should come as a huge relief to everyone other than necrophiliacs-who really shouldn’t be taken into consideration anyway.

Several Riverfront restaurants have caught the Birthday bug (not to be confused with the jitterbug). Harry’s Seafood Grill is offering 10% off all lunch orders while Timothy’s  on the Riverfront , (no relation) plans to provide costumers with an all-American deal of their own: half-priced build your own burgers.

Now, if you’re anything like me-though let’s face it, I’m one of a kind-you’re looking for the real party this Independence Day. Don’t you worry, I’ve got the inside scoop on where you really need to be. Both Big Fish Grill (possible relation on Mom’s side) and Fire Stone, two staples of the Riverfront party scene, will have crazy balloon animals, water ice and-wait for it-face painting(!) from 5-9!

Oh, and probably some seasonal beers on tap or something.

Happy Birthday, [most of] [North] America!